PROLOGUE

I’m Aline, Sara’s daughter and Elga’s granddaughter. Elga died at home a year ago at seventy-nine years of age. My grandfather died such a short time before her that it was as if they had arranged to continue their long romance in another world, as they had always wanted.
My mother was at Elga’s bedside in her last moments. My grandmother took a necklace with a golden heart-shaped locket from around her neck and gave it to her as a present. She whispered to her that inside the locket, together with portraits of her and my grandfather Hélio, was a message containing her last wish. She asked her to make it happen, because only in this way would she pass to a better world and might perhaps find Hélio again, the great love of her life.
My mother found what my grandmother had hidden in a secret compartment in her bedside table. Elga’s secret was revealed in front of my brothers and sisters. At first they didn’t want it published, but my mother convinced them that, for everything that Elga had meant to the family, she had earned the right to have her last wish granted. Maybe she wasn’t a saint, but she was a dedicated companion, mother, grandmother and loving great-grandmother.
Arnaldo Jabor, in one of his excellent journals, wrote that there’s no such thing as a loyal man, just men who are able to cheat and love their wives at the same time. Man cheats to satisfy lust. For him a woman, or an arse, is enough. The wife, however, has to appreciate, to have some form of involvement, a reason to cheat.
I don’t know how much of that’s true, but it could well explain my grandparent’s many betrayals of each other. Hélio’s betrayals were short-lived, hormonal; Elga’s were about jealousy, vengeance or an attraction to beauty.
Nobody in the immediate family condemned Elga. The children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren understood her behaviour and knew that she never stopped loving her husband.
As a result of her confessions, they were also sure that Hélio always loved her.
Those people that read Elga’s confessions, judge her as they wish and those who’ve never betrayed anyone - condemn her. Elga’s soul will be far away, removed from any earthly judgement, and waiting for God’s verdict on the Final Judgement Day.
PS - Shortly after my grandfather died, I found Elga burning lots of papers in a bonfire she’d made near to a shed at the farmhouse. I didn’t let her see me and waited until she’d walked away. I ran to the bonfire, but it was already too late; nothing was left. I began to turn the ashes with a stick and found a singed leaf of paper, which, miraculously, had not been destroyed by the flames. On it I found the following poem that Hélio had dedicated to Elga. From the dedication it showed that it was written soon after they’d married in secret:

“For Elga by Helio, as proof of the oath that we made.”

ELGA

When Elga undresses and offers me
Her body, thirsty to please,
The vision of her form drives me mad
And a tremor shakes both my legs.

Our mouths are glued in a long kiss,
Our bodies are joined in a strong embrace,
Burning us in flames of desire,
Pumping the heart with compassion of fire.

I touch the curves of her body,
Caressing her satin skin.
My hairs bristle and I almost die
From the heat that this contact causes in my very being.

And then, we satisfy ourselves, predjudiceless,
Until we are defeated by tiredness.
And afterwards languished we get,
Happy, I fall asleep on her lap.

CONTENTS

- Dedication
- Prologue
- Chapter I - Why confess?
- Chapter II – Who I am
- Chapter III – First experiences
- Chapter IV – First boyfriends
- Chapter V – My passions
- Chapter VI – My future husband
- Chapter VII – Losing my virginity
- Chapter VIII – Secret wedding
- Chapter IX – Religious wedding
- Chapter X – Hard beginning
- Chapter XI – First harassment
- Chapter XII – First betrayal
- Chapter XIII – Evidence
- Chapter XIV – Betrayal and pleasure
- Chapter XV – The Rape
- Chapter XVI – From student to teacher
- Chapter XVII – When the little bird escaped the cage
- Chapter XVIII - The thousand and one harassments
- Chapter XIX – Abnormal relationship
- Chapter XX – The boys from Ipanema
- Chapter XXI – My friend’s husband
- Chapter XXII – A “Beauty Queen” in my way
- Chapter XXIII – The age of the she-wolf
- Chapter XXIV – Above any suspicion
- Chapter XXV – Happy ending

SUMMARY

In her youth, Elga's stunning beauty allowed her to chose who to go out with.
Sticking to tradition, she overcame the temptations, saving her virginity for marriage. However, at 21 years of age, she gave herself body and soul, and got married in secret. She felt betrayed various times during her long married life. The true love she felt prevented her from getting divorced, but her jealousy and her need for revenge lead her to pay back her husband's infidelity in the same way. A victim of her own charms, she suffered sexual abuses, which she turned into fantasies in her married life. Later on, feeling regretful, she decided to publicly confess her sins in order to achieve God's forgiveness and make her romantic life eternal - if the majority of the readers forgive her. Discover Elga's story and judge her, helping her, or not, to achieve her goal. Will you forgive her?

DEDICATION

I dedicate this book especially to my wife, a sensitive woman with a generous soul, who accepted and approved the content of the work, as well as its messages. I also dedicate it to all women who, in spite of the ups and downs of normal life, are able to keep the flames of true love alive inside their hearts, are able to overcome all the hurdles that separate the stages of human existence, including death, making it eternal.